Sanjeev Himachali - Learning from Life and Experiences

Web site Review - CiteHR (www.citehr.com) promotes plagiarism

Have you ever been to this site, called as CiteHR? From outside, it is difficult to understand and evaluate the content and quality of discussion but this site is promoting plagiarism. There is no control or no system to check the content of the site. It appears as if this site is created for self-promotion and self-appreciation.

Some crucial features of this site / forum:

1)      Majority of the active members on this site are either graduates practicing HR or they have done their MBA from C-Grade institute or they have done their MBA through distance mode of education. They do not have even the basic knowledge and understanding of HR as a profession.

2)        In the name of HR, they prefer to discuss about office-affairs, sex in the office, being ignored by boss or the management or some other stupid or senseless issues. Oh yes, another area where they have expertise is to share (copy-paste) jokes from different sites.

3)      In the name of knowledge sharing they copy-paste articles from different site and post here as if those articles are written by them. They take the pain to copy-paste the whole article except the last few lines, carrying the name of author. These members do not even care to give the due credit to the author or mention the source of information. These members have no relation with words like acknowledgement or bibliography but their ears and eyes are used to words like , “thank you”, “oh, that great information” or “you have written such a nice article” or “you are a nice person”  so on and so forth.

4)      This habit of copy paste is not limited to articles or jokes but white-papers, presentations and e-books of 100’s of pages. Not only this but also the confidential information of some of the companies like their forms, policies and procedures can also be found here.

5)      I think they just want to get noticed and get some pseudo publicity.

I think that CiteHR is a big threat to the HR related intellectual property and also to the confidential information of companies. The owner of the site and his partners needs to be sued for spreading the plagiarism and violating the copy-right act and also for derogating and diluting the essence of HR Profession.   

Kindly visit this site before taking any further action.

 

Thanks and Regards

Sanjeev Himachali

BLOGS: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/ and http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/

Resources, Tools and Methodologies for Talent Acquisition, Hiring and Recruitment

Introduction

One needs to have dreams, plans, and strategies to be successful in any venture. This is a basic requirement. If you do not know what you want, where you want to reach and how you want to reach (your mode and plan for success), you certainly cannot reach there. In case you are starting a new venture or you are planning to diversify your existing business, you also need to identify the source for your capital (Financial Backing). You cannot do all these things on your own. You need "extra-ordinarily talented" and Highly Skilled people to help you to reach the goal that you have seen for your organization. For this, you need a jeweler (the talented, matured and exceptionally skilled HR Professional) to identify such DIAMONDS for you. It is one of the key roles of a HR Professional to identify, source, select, HIRE and RETAIN BEST of the talent from the market to work for the organization. If they cannot find talented people from the market then they need to groom the right type of people with the right type of attitude and aptitude. In 21st Century, we are in the era of "war for talent". It is becoming difficult to get right type of people and retain them. Many companies are losing their businesses because they are not able to hire "right type of people"; because they compromised with the "quality of the talent". In this article, we will try to explore and understand different sources to get "Best of the Talents". Any reference of HR Department" in this article, means Team of Talent Acquisition, Hiring and Recruitment.

Different Sources to Get Talented People

As a HR Professional (Chief Talent Acquisition Officer; Hiring Manager or Recruitment Head), one should be aware of all the sources and resources to get best of the talents and they should also be aware of as how to use those resources to the optimum level. You can use either or all of the below mentioned tools to get BEST talents.

1) Existing and "Active" Candidates Data with Company
This is primary, but if properly used, most important source and tool in the hands of HR Department to get right type of people. The HR department gets N number of profiles every day from different sources (including candidates who just drop-in their profiles at the reception. The HR Department needs to maintain and update this data on regular (if possible on daily basis). The details and data should be maintained in such a manner that one should be able to generate a MIS, stating number of profiles in the database, skills of the candidates (including education and experience level) and status of each profile (if short listed or not; if interviewed or not; date of interview; result of the interview; if rejected or selected etc). All these profiles should be considered as "active profiles" for six months from the date they were received in the HR Department of the Company. Any other profile older than six months should be deleted and destroyed. Such profiles are of no use to the company. The HR department should be able to use this data to fill the existing vacant position with a MOST suitable profile.

2) Employee References
In last decade and a-half, all the companies across various industries are facing a BIG challenge to retain the talent in their companies. People are resigning for various reasons. There is another challenge of FAKE profiles (People are faking about their experiences, salaries etc. Many people are just COPYING someone's profile and presenting it as their own, without even knowing what they have mentioned in it). To handle this, it has become apparent to do reference checks. Getting the reference check done in a proper way is very costly.

Considering the above two scenarios and just to counter it, it is important to hire a person through the reference of your existing employee. No one can present, market and brand your company, market the culture and policies of your company then a happy and highly motivated and engaged employee of your organization. Hence, hiring with the reference of your existing employees is an important source and tool to hire and retain Quality Talent.

3) Internal Advertisement (internal Job Posting)
Learning is a continuous process. Many people keep on learning new skills, updating their skills and acquiring higher degrees by way of distance mode of education. There by you might have "multi-skilled" and "multi-talented" people within your organization. Hence, it becomes crucial and important to post your job-requirement, internally for your existing employees. By doing so, you will be able to RETAIN good and talented people.

4) Jobsites and Job Portals
If the above three sources and methods are used appropriately, efficiently and to the optimum level, hypothetically you do not need to go outside the company to get good people, working for your company. However, that is actually not possible and hence, you also need to look for external sources to get MORE Suitable Talent for your company. There are many Job Sites and Job Portals, available in the market and you need to select the BEST one for your needs. Good Job Portals have huge database of millions and millions of profiles. You can source a "Suitable" Talent from that database. You can also post your job requirements on job-portals just to get more relevant profiles. You should learn how to use all the features of your job-portal for its optimum utilization.

You can also have the HR or Job Site of your company and post your requirements on that site. This will also give appropriate branding and advertisement to your company and will also help you in managing the "Candidate Database".

5) Campus hiring
In case, you like to hire "knowledgeable, talented and properly groomed" freshers then you should opt for Campus Hiring. This will give you Raw Clay and Material that you can mould as per the need and culture of your organization. You need to plan your "Campus Hiring" in a suitable manner to target right type of people. You need to decide, if you like to hire a plain graduate or a graduate with some specific trainings or Management Graduates or Engineering Graduates etc. If you provide right type of atmosphere, culture and processes, chances are that you will be able to retain these freshers, trainees for a long period of time. There are many Business Magazines which publishes lists of BEST institutes in different categories, locally, nationally and internationally.

6) Recruitment Consultancies
Most of the time, even recruitment consultancies also uses various job-portals to source talent for their clients. Hence, it makes more sense, if you buy one login on any of the relevant job-portal (or more than one job portal) and if you learn how to use it properly. You need the help of Recruitment Consultants if you are planning to hire a talent through head-hunting for senior profiles and from different geographical locations; for example, if you are planning to hire someone from international market. Hence, taking the help of Recruitment Consultants to hire talent for you should not be your first choice or option.

7) External (Newspaper) Advertisement
This is one of the VERY costly source to hire talent. External Job-Advertisement on media (Newspaper, Television, Radio etc), helps you in Branding and Publicizing your company but if not targeted properly and managed properly, this is one of the POOR but COSTLY source to get suitable talent. You need to understand and plan properly, what type of people you are looking for, from where you can get those people, which newspaper do they read, how you want to get and manage these profiles and what you will be doing with that database or else, you will not be able to get suitable talent.

8) Social and Professional Networks & Local Communities
There are few professional and social networks, such as LinkedIn, FaceBook, Orkut etc, that you can use to get right type of talent (of the listed networks, LinkedIn is highly recommended). You can also target few NGO's, Training Institutes and Local Communities to hire low-level, low-cost workers for factories and your companies.

9) Head Hunting (Also called as "Body Shopping")
There is this bread or group of talent, which are highly experienced, competent with great leadership skills but very passive in job market. They are very experienced in their domain and industry. Sometimes, they are also the founder member of the organization. Generally these are the people working in the capacity of Senior Managers, General Managers, CFO's, CTO's, CEO's, Vice-Presidents, Directors, and Managing Directors etc in their present roles. They do not post their profiles on jobsites. They do not even read job-sections of newspapers. They do not apply for any jobs opportunity. Only very few of their friends and close associates are in procession of their profiles. They need to be challenged by an opportunity. Such people need to be head-hunted. Generally, recruitment consultancies are EXPECTED to do this job. This is a way to get the talent when you are looking for rare and distinct talent that is when you are looking to fill positions like CFO, CEO etc. Here, numbers are not important but quality is. In a year, you might be able to head-hunt 15-20 people but they will be of high worth and value. Not everyone can be a "Head Hunter", you need to have "special" type of skills to be a "Head Hunter". Every type of sourcing is not called as head-hunting. For a sourcing to be called as "Head-hunting", this should involve "rare profiles"; profiles and skill sets not readily available in the market.

10) Talent-Poaching
This, according to some section in the industry, is considered as unethical mode of sourcing and hiring. For this, you need to understand the business of your company and also should be aware of the competitor companies in your industry. Just target those companies and hire in masses from those companies right from the entry level to senior level. This tactic is usually used to kill the competition. This is like a big fish eating the small fish. People across the globe are discussing and debating to ascertain, if the "Talent Poaching" is ethical or unethical. No doubt, this is one of the easiest ways to source trained and talented people within the industry when you have infrastructure and money.

Distinction between Headhunting and Talent Poaching
Some talent acquisition managers as well as hiring and recruitment professionals are confused and are not able to discriminate between the two. Here are few differences between the two:
1) Headhunting is associated with senior and rare profiles. Talent Poaching is just sweeping and running through talent-wealth of your competitor.
2) Headhunting is planned. Talent Poaching is targeted.
3) In headhunting, the intention is to get the BEST person for your organization but in Talent Poaching, the intention is to kill your competitor and the competition.
4) Headhunting is about getting a person with "Leadership" skills with "Global Exposure". Talent Poaching is about "saving the training cost".

Conclusion
This article is not about "Recruitment Process" or to describe about "Steps involved in Recruitment Process" but just to share the resources and channels to source and identify talent. I have taken care to list all the possible channels. I am sure all the readers will gain from this article.

Do share your feedback and give your comments.
With love and care

Sanjeev Himachali

BLOG: http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/ and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/

E-mail: sanjeev.himachali@gmail.com; ss_himachali@yahoo.com

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sanjeev_Himachali

 

It is very difficult to sit and select one favorite song. Here is a list of 6 romantic songs, which I like and can listen N number of times.
1) Chalte-Chalte of Mohbatian...is very nice and sweet song; particularly the commentary before song. "Ek ladki thi anjaani si..."
2) Tere naam humney kiya hai...of Tere Naam...is another sweet song. The lyrics are just fabulous.
3) I also like the song, "Do Dil mil rahe hain, magar chupke-chupke" of Pardes. This is one of my all times favorite.
4) Other three songs....two from Josh and one from Yes Boss are thoroughly romantic.
I hope, anybody who will listen to these songs will fall in love with them.

These songs are dedicated to an important person of my life…the one, for whom I am living. She is always there with me, in my thoughts and dreams. She is the love of my life and purpose of my life.

Sanjeev Himachali

Marriage Proposal - Will You Marry Me?

Introduction

Life, in itself is a big process of change management. We grow from Infancy to Childhood to adolescent to being adult. On relations front, we have parents. We have relatives. We get in touch with many people; interact with some people and then we make few friends, some as Professional Friends and few as Social Friends but there is one and only one (these days, I can use the term "few") person in our life to whom we promise our life-long commitment. We want to spend rest of our life with this person. Before making such commitment, we want to be double sure of ourselves. We consult all our friends and relatives before making such commitment. Those are the decisions that we like to take once and only once in our life and we don’t want to regret those decisions in the later stage of our life. If we take a wrong decision or make a wrong choice, it haunts us for the rest of our life.

So, what are the parameters or factors that one considers or keeps in mind before accepting the proposal of marriage? What goes in their mind when someone proposes them? How do they prepare themselves before proposing someone?

Some Common Parameters and Factors

Being a friend with someone of opposite gender is one thing. One can also go for dating. But, marrying someone and making a life-long commitment is altogether a different thing. Males and females have different criteria and parameters which they consider and keep in mind while accepting the marriage proposal. Then, those parameters are in different order of priority and differ from male-to-male and female-to-female. I spoke to a few people across India to find out what parameters they consider before making a life long commitment to someone? Hence, these parameters reflect Indian Culture and thinking pattern of Indian People, particularly Indian Youths.

Parameters for Males

Males consider following parameters before making a life long commitment to a female.

1. Looks, features and other physical attributes

2. Respect for his parents and relatives

3. Character and Values of girl

4. Social – Status of the family

5. Financial Status of the family

6. Past of the girl

7. Education

8. Emotional Stability

9. Must be willing to take-up household responsibilities

10. Should support him in all situations and circumstances

11. Considering the present economic scenario...she is expected to be a professional

(Order of Preference may vary from Male-to-Male)

We discussed this with many people and tried to know and understand their views and thoughts on this. Some of the responses from Males are as follows:

1) Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International): From my experience, commitment from a woman depends upon her age.

1) Under 25 - Commitment is based purely on looks. They fall in love easily but frankly are only interested in having fun/short term commitments that "in general" lead nowhere.

2) Over 25 - Once a woman has had enough 'fun' they gradually begin to realize that they want children - a family etc, and frankly the guys they considered fun are in no way a good role-model. They begin to change their priorities from looks... to salary package/stability/career prospects and secondly (and this is generally a must) a sense of humor (as if they can't have the looks they want a guy who can at least make them laugh!). It's a sad but true fact - but they settle for us guys thinking (Well he may not be Tom Hanks but at least I'll have a good life/cash/a nice family and I wont be alone).

This sadly, is true for I’d say 80% of women. I am quite lucky and have found the girl of my dreams who VERY luckily for me doesn't fall into this category, however, I challenge any woman to tell me I'm wrong!

(I'm going to get slaughtered for writing this).

Men on the other hand....

We're shallow bastards - If we can't walk down the street being proud of holding hands with our potential partners then frankly they haven't a chance of commitment. We're as shallow as a kid’s paddling pool and at least I'm brave enough to admit it.

Men's priority =

1) Looks

2) Is the sex good

3) Does she make me smile

4) Could I spend the rest of my life with this girl?

5) How much BAGGAGE does she have

If 1 and 2 aren’t yes… a man will never give commitment

2) Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals): I take a bit of a different approach on this. Most of my experience is in the US, but I would think anywhere that both people have equal choice about who they date, these factors would come into play.

The next thing to point out is that there's what people say they look for and then there's what people respond to. Dating is not an intellectual exercise. I don't think there are checklists or much intelligence that goes into the equation. There might be some after-the-fact rationalization, but let's be honest, it's not thinking that's going on.

That said, I'll start with what I'm an expert on, being a man.

1) Is a woman physically attractive to you?

2) Do you sync with her.

3) Women who meet those two criteria will be dropped if they put up a major red flag. Major red flags include - having no female friends; major issues; etc.

From my observation of women:

1) Challenge - how challenging is the guy to get/control. The more challenging the guy, the better

2) How does he make her feel?

There are plenty of things that can cause a relationship to go wrong or never start, but those are the things that trigger the start of a relationship and lead to commitment.

3) Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM): My reasons for marrying my wife some 30 years ago are as follows:

She is my best friend. My wife is the one person from who I have no secrets. None. I don't even try to keep secrets because she'd see right through me anyway and figure out I was holding something back. Our personalities mesh. Where she leaves off I pick up and where I leave off she picks up.

This is not to say that we don't ever have our differences. There is no way in Creation that two people are ever going to live with one another without there being something that sets each other off. The difference comes in where how we deal with these differences and at the end of the day we respect each other and care for one another enough that the differences don't make a big deal. When an issue arises where we have a difference we work it out. And we don't let others "help" us work it out either.

We also tend (with minor differences) to have the same values.

After 30 years of being together and we are still crazy about each other we must be doing something right.

4) Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach): My wife Brenda is my best friend.

She is full of love, courage, integrity, optimism, hope and faith. She has always inspired me to be who I am. Neither of us needs the other to be complete - but the world is a gentler, happier place when we are together. I make her laugh and a smile often appears on my face when we are together. Each year since we were married we renew our wedding vows. I ask her if she would be willing to put up with me for another year.

We are blessed to have found each other and we know it. This is especially true this year as Brenda was diagnosed with cancer last spring. Her radiation and chemo treatments have been completed and things look good. We are like two raccoons or blue jays ... mated for life. I could not imagine making this journey with anyone else.

Parameters for Females

Females consider following parameters before making a life long commitment to a female.

1. Security of Present (A guy must be employed; working in a reputed company, at a powerful position and of course with a handsome salary package...the more it is the better it is.)

2. Good Education (Preferably from Good...reputed institute)

3. Security of Future (Must have dreams to chase; goals to achieve. In short, must have potential to become known, famous and popular)

4. Intelligence

5. Wealth

6. Looks and Appearance

<SPAN style="COLOR: #4b4b4b">7. Love and Care for her

8. Character and Values of a Guy

9. Respect for her parents and her relatives

10. Should not look at other girls or even have any thought about them

(Order of Preference may vary from female-to-female)

We discussed this with many people and tried to know and understand their views and thoughts on this. Some of the responses from females are as follows:

1) Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk): Not sure what each individual looks at as expectations of each individual is different. I am enclosing excerpt from a book that I read, which states "Finding and Keeping a Life Partner"...I understand that these have been stated by Dov Heller, M.A.

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Love is the result of a good marriage not the basis.

Give questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a menace?

A menace is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc… How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

2) Sharon Hill (Sales and marketing manager at Suburban Newspapers of America): I look for a man who ISN'T looking for a woman who is willing to take up household responsibilities. YIKES. How old were these guys you were asking? I'll do my half, but ideally I'll pay half of the cost of the person who comes in and does it for us.

Support him in all situations and circumstances? Well, sure if I agree with him but I have a mind of my own. If I have an opposing view I'll act on it.

Yes, he must be employed and employed well - with an entrepreneurial spirit. That's not because I want to secure my future. I'll secure my own future. I just admire creativity, ingenuity and ambition.

A man needs to be witty, creative, articulate, ambitious, self-motivated, positive, loyal, a good listener, adventurous and not threatened by a strong woman. He should be well groomed but doesn't need to be handsome. His education doesn't matter at all. Many entrepreneurs have succeeded in spite of their education - not because of it. I make my own future and my own security. I just look for someone who can make my free time enjoyable.

Oh, and you took about men's thoughts about the "girl." He needs to be supportive of my feminist / equality view point. If he refers to me and other adult females as a girl I'm out of there.

3) Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant): For me, I look at the following

A. Has a strong character,

B. How does he deal with life's issues?

C. Does he grab life by the horns and make the best of it

D. Do we have a deep connection?

E. Is this someone I can wake up to everyday for the rest of my life and still smile.

F. Whether he is honest,

G. Is this someone I can openly share all aspects of life with

H. Can he handle my directness (many can't)

I. Is he respectful

J. Can we talk about everything and agree to disagree

K. Do we compliment each other

L. When we are 90 and the sex is less frequent will there be other things we enjoy sharing

M. Do we enjoy doing "nothing" together - this is more important than you think

N. Can I trust him with my heart and my life

4) Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional): From a 37 year-old Christian (female) perspective, I would not make a life commitment to a man who didn't know God. A man's love for God has become the most attractive thing to me.

Without similar goals, beliefs, and life objectives...I think it would be more difficult to stay together for a lifetime (although not impossible by any means).

Knowing that, my potential partner is "like-minded" spiritually. After that, as I look at your thoughts around women's preferences, I would have to say they would be prioritized quite differently for me (USA female).

I. Intelligence

II. Sense of humor (not listed above)

III. Job (although I disagree with your thoughts around position/power/salary...not that important for me...more important would be respect from peers...that he is good at what he does)

IV. Looks and appearance (clean is good)

V. Love of God (respect/values/character/love/wealth all comes with this)

The security of future...you describe as potential, ambition...and popularity, fame, et cetera. Framed in that sense, those are of little concern to me.

Conclusion

Someone told me, one should not get married just because your friends are getting married or your parents want to you get married. For them, your marriage is nothing more than function and an occasion for social get together. So, you should be sure of yourself before getting committed to someone. You must be prepared for your marriage, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Tomorrow, you should not sit and regret your decision, because if that will happen it will have adverse effect on your life. It will affect the pace of your life.

So, take your time before making life-long commitment to someone.

Acknowledgement

I like to say thanks to following people without whom I could not have completed this article.

1. Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional

2. Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant)

3. Sharon Hill (Sales and marketing manager at Suburban Newspapers of America)

4. Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk)

5. Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach)

6. Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM)

7. Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals)

8. Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International)

Kindly share your comments and feedback on this article.

Regards
Sanjeev Himachali
(BLOG: http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/journal/ and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/ )

Career Conflict: Happiness of Your Family and Your Professional Growth

 

Introduction

 

Happiness and success in life is all about choices that we make.

 

One thing is sure that you cannot keep everyone happy and at times you need to choose or prioritize whose happiness is most important to you. It is these decisions which set the pace of your life. It is these decisions which reflect your values and principles.

 

If you are not happy, you cannot make others happy, howsoever hard you may try. It is like, love yourself and respect yourself to be loved and respected by others.

 

We all have gone through this dilemma at one or another stage of our life, when we have to choose between the happiness of our family and our professional growth and have to sacrifice one for another. You need both love and support of your family and success and growth in your professional life (in your career). You cannot give your 100% to your family and 0% to your profession and you cannot give 0% to your family and 100% to your profession. It is like Game Theorem, wherein the actual size of market will remain same and loss of one will be gain of another and it is up to the individual to set the balance.

 

In this article we will learn about that conflict of our life.

 

Understanding the Family

 

You cannot have control on your birth. Once you are in this world and grown-up enough to understand, who you are, you start making choices. At that stage you should not bother about anyone except your parents. Once you complete your basic qualification, your schooling, you start making choices and here whatever choice you make or the decision that you take, will have long-lasting effect in your life. Then you choose area of your interest and followed by your decision about the type of career that you want. You choose to get married. You choose to have kids. Now, for you your family consists of your parents, your spouse and your kids. Sometimes, you can have “Conflict of Interest” in these family members as well.

 

Understanding the need to have profession / career

 

Love, care, understanding and togetherness, all these are required in life but along with these things, you need many other things in life and for that you need money. You don’t need to be a billionaire or the wealthiest person in the world, but you need fair amount of money / wealth to get the basic necessities of life, which can be as basic as food, shelter and cloths.

 

1.      You need money to buy a house

2.      You need money to give good education and career to your kids

3.      You need money to take care of the medical needs and healthcare issues of your family

4.      You need “enough” money to take care of you (without being dependent on your kids) after your retirement

 

And this money needs to be earned.

 

Apart from financial security, you need professional growth to

1.      Be Respected

2.      Be Recognized

3.      Be Rewarded

4.      Satisfy your ego

5.      Feel the power

6.      Motivate your inner self

 

To grow professionally, you need the support of your family (mostly your spouse, if you are married) and you need professional growth to take care of your family in a better manner.

 

Professional Crisis – Relocation (Case Study)

 

If I get everything at my door-step, I do not need to go anywhere and my life will be so peaceful and satisfying. But, that is not the case. Sometimes, due to professional commitments, you need to move to a different place and that is a real crisis that most of us face in our professional life and it is here that you need the utmost support of your family. Here, there are three situations:

 

1) You are unmarried.

2) You are married and your spouse is not working.

3) You are married and both of you are working.

4) You are married but do not have kids. Or you have kids but they are less than five years of age.

5) You are married and have grown-up kids.

 

I asked one question in my training program to understand the thinking process of people. Question was: “You get an opportunity in a different city (might be in a different country), for a salary three-times your present salary and for a designation, which is four levels above your present designation. What will you do? Will you accept the offer?”

 

There is a clear difference in the thought process of male and female respondents.

 

87% of females are of the opinion that for them family is important. If they are working, they will not accept such job offer (career advancement) and they expect the similar decision from their male counterparts.

69% of males prefer togetherness with their family over such career advancement.

 

Here are some of the responses:

 

1.      Abhinav Sahai (Business Analyst at Ernst & YoungBusiness Analyst at Ernst & YoungBusiness Analyst at Ernst & Young): “Personally, I feel that career is very important in life and one person from a family can make the entire family proud of his actions. As in armed forces, they work dedicatedly and whole-heartedly but still they go back to their families at least once a year. So the family ties are important, but the chance to make an impact on your professional life is also worth a lifetime of an effort”

 

2.      Nauman Malik (Research & Development Director and Software Consultant): “Simple answer is, if family is supportive and has some good understanding then one can work at any place in the world. It totally depends on the understanding level.

 

3.      Taruna Rao Madan (Project Manager at Amdocs Dev Ltd): “Its completely matter of priorities; and everyone has their own priority. Priorities differ from time to time; for a person starting the career, profession takes upper seat and as a married person family becomes more important. I also feel that if one side is family emotions / marriage and on the other side is your profession, both sides can complement each other and can restrict each other. It depends on how people involved in it deal with the situation. I guess it happens with nearly everyone and people involved have to choose; sometimes it’s at a smaller scale and sometimes it’s a major decision.

For sure one needs family support to pursue profession or a dream. For that matter one needs family support for almost everything. Sacrifice / moving out of comfort zones - yes is required for all and not just for the person in question”.

 

4.      Mohsin M (Manager Process & Strategies at YS Consulting): In Such cases and situations one should

a.      Do a cost-benefit analysis...

b.      Match non-quantifiable gains with non-quantifiable losses.

c.      Develop alternatives and see if it is worth...

d.      Discuss and Convince Family

e.      Let the end decision be something which brings happiness for family since it’s directly related to ones happiness.

 

5.      Joseph Davis (Vice President at Hyperion Resources): “We all make choices in life, but I don't think it is nearly as black and white as your comments. First, starting out in a career, we all make choices. You choose not to be a doctor because you don't like to be around illness. You choose not to be a salesman because you know you are introverted. You choose not to be a farmer because you want to live in the city. You choose not to marry someone because she does/doesn't want a family, etc”.

 

Personally, I wanted to be an oceanographer, until my first cruise, when I learned that all 3 of my mentors were divorced because of their constant travel. So I adjusted my career path. The important thing is not to get locked-in to one path, either in your own mind, your spouse's mind, or in your boss's/company's mind. Keep your options open and never say "never"

 

6.      Sophia Dembling (Freelance writer): “I don't disagree at all that work and money are important and work in particular is in many ways emotionally fulfilling. I can't imagine not working. But I also think that to have healthy relationships as well (and this goes for both sides of the relationships), compromise is necessary. That may mean fitting your ambitions to the needs of one's family, if they are saying they feel neglected. Or it may mean that the family needs to up and move to support the breadwinner's career. That's something only husband and wife can work out. But to my mind, all the money in the world could not substitute for time with my husband, or time with a loving father. I would not want to reach old age with lots of money but starved relationships”.

 

7.      Liesl Leary (Sr. Localization Strategist--Enabler of Multilingual Communications and Solutions): “In the United States, 98% of Fortune 500 CEO's are male. Try to imagine the reasons why this must be. Is it because women are less ambitious than men? Is it because they are less intelligent? Is it because they are lazy? The book "Off-Ramps and On-Ramps" by Sylvia Ann Hewlett discusses the findings of a comprehensive survey done by the Hidden Brain Drain committee. They found that many women specifically choose to take lower level work and avoid promotions so they can balance work and life. What's interesting is that they point out that the age where you're supposed to catch your wave and get on the fast track coincides exactly with women's peak fertility and peak childcare demands. Up until the age of 30, men and women are on the same career path with equal status and pay. Moreover, if you're not derailed by a toddler at 30, you'll be derailed by aging parents at 50--also a responsibility traditionally shouldered by women. Many women choose to simply stay home to deal with the pressure but 97% of women want to come back within 5 years of leaving the workforce. However, getting back is difficult when employers see the "time-out" as a question of dedication and ambition. In this light, it's obvious that marriage and children restrict professional growth if we keep playing with the rules that were established by men at the dawn of industry. However, if the rules were to change, e.g. if non-linear career paths were respected as much as linear career paths, or if flexible hours were not stigmatized, or if working-from home was seen as disaster-preparedness (especially in light of events like 9/11 or in my case, winter) and not as a mommy-privilege, beloved professions may not have to be sacrificed for marriage and family both for men and for women”.

 

8.      Yvonne Michele Anderson (Independent Film Producer / Internet Entrepreneur / Non-Profit and Media Consultant): “This is a question of priorities, and of personal preferences in respect of individual families. It is difficult to balance work and family, and often the choices which one must make are not ideal. There is no ideal world...one must decide their priorities, and move on from there. One needs money, most certainly, but one should not sacrifice certain things for money. For me, work must be balanced with family, and family is more important, in the end. If I were married and had children, and my husband moved far away for work, I would not be happy with that situation.

 

9.      Regina Yau: (Associate Director at RUSS Consulting)“Family ties in Asia being as strong as they are, for most Asians it would be contest when choosing between family and career - one should always put family first. At the same time, Asian families being as ambitious as they are as a family unit, most young people are encouraged to leave the family, go abroad and really go for all the opportunities to climb the career ladder. Wives often follow husbands when their husbands move to further their careers. When there is an offer too good to pass up, the whole family moves and the kids just have to roll with it. When one family member attains success, the whole family basks in the reflected glory.

 

10.  Mohamed Taher (Information Coordinator at Ontario Multifaith Council): “The answer in short is, you need to be married at home (be homely and committed to the partner) and at work (be professional and committed to the passion); you can't be a bachelor at work, or vice versa. That means, you have to have two partners (in your mind you can have a divided personality)--human companionship for 8 hours at home, and business-partnership for 8 hours at @ work; Committed to each individually and wholly.

 

11.  Anuja Rathi (Language Instructor at anilingual International School of Languages): “I've seen quite a few people turn down wonderful job offers either because their family is not open to the idea of moving, or because they themselves would feel guilty asking their families to pack their bags, relocate and start afresh at a completely unknown place. In spite of the fact that my direct answer to your Q would be "maybe", I'd like to elaborate upon it a bit.

 

If it is only about the spouse, I don't think the problem is too big, as the spouse can seek an opportunity at the new location. If you have small kids in tow, then finding a good school and other basics also need to be planned out. When all are willing, family does not restrict professional growth.

 

Changing cities/countries is more difficult when the kids grow up and feel they "belong" to one place and not the other. Hence, the sooner you move, the better it is. Once your family "takes root" at a particular location, its hard to uproot it, as the entire package of emotions and choices have to be dealt with. Most of us wouldn't leave our family, and go off someplace permanently. If its for a short while, then maybe the offer merits a thought.

 

In the end, it all depends on the individual's priorities, his cognitions, family values and mutual understanding. If all converge, then professional growth need not be restricted, and if they diverge, then subjective opinions and decisions prevail. Hope this helps”.

 

12.  Sujatha Das (Freelance Consultant): “I would look at it this way: It is our choice to do what we feel like depending on the priority that we give to our relationships. I am sure no one can force us to get married or have kids. It is a personal choice of the individual to do so and hence once they take this decision, they have to also abide to maintain their commitments.

 

We are committed to our spouse and kids by our own choice we made once, so are we not supposed to keep our commitments. Hence, feeling that personal commitments are coming in way to professional life is not the right thing according to me.

 

As human beings, when we are unable to take up some of these good opportunities, we feel sad and sometimes brood over it, but again here we are supposed to make the choice”.

 

13.  Seema Singh (Faculty in Design department at Pearl Academy of Fashion): “More than displacement issues, it is the non-understanding part of your family members about your job demands and your goals in life that create a bigger problem. Also, if your spouse is homely or lets say not so achievement oriented as you, that can be mega-reason for you not being a persona you could otherwise had become. I think for this reason, marriages are dysfunctional in actual life......you only pretend to yourself and the world that it is ok with you. However, you know its not and is never going to be. You just do it for the sake that it does no harm to you than what it had already done”.

 

My Opinion – I believe that

 

No war could have been won
No nation would have attained independence and
We would not have heard names like GE, Microsoft, Dell, IBM, Oracle, EDS, Intel, Sun Microsystems et al, had everyone thought the way most of you have expressed themselves. No one can dare to dream and no dream can ever become a reality…if everyone starts thinking in the similar manner.

We need to understand this from the perspective of Armed Forces. They move from one place to another place, after some years, at times with their family and sometimes without family; if they also start thinking in the same manner then who will take care of the boarders of your country. You can have any high-profile career, sports, entertainment etc, most of the time these people stay away from their family to keep their professional commitments.

Yes, you are working for your family and one of the responsibilities that you have on your shoulder is to give them a better career. You can give better career by giving them proper education and I order to get that education (that level), they not only need to be sharp and intelligent but you too should be financially strong to let them get that education. To be financially strong, one must have good profession…one must take good opportunities; one must sacrifice something, you cannot get everything and more so you cannot get “free things”. There is no free-lunch.

 

You can grow professionally by moving up in your professional ladder and moving out of your comfort zone and by sacrificing some of your happiness and comforts. And to do all this, you need the support of your family. So, to my understanding, spouse and families should support you rather than restricting and/or limiting your growth.

Conclusion

 

Taking decisions such as relocation, no doubt is a question of setting priorities. Professional Growth and the happiness of your family are very important and you cannot have one at the cost of another but you need to understand the purpose of your living. You also need to consider your happiness. How can you spread happiness, if you yourself are not happy? A bit of compromise here and there and a little bit of adjustment is always required. Make a choice and then move on.

 

Always, remember you cannot make everyone happy.

 

Have a great day and take care.

Looking for your comments and feedback

 

Sanjeev Himachali

(BLOG: http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/journal and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)

 

 

These songs are dedicated to my love. To the Lady I love most and are just expression of my love for her.